Family

The Death of Innocence

Posted on August 15, 2012 by Pieter Stok

Lately I have been exploring the “calling”, “vocation” or “office” of children, that is, the the role they have in the plans of God and His people. We know they need to be disciplined and taught but children also have a role in reminding us of faith, trust and wonder – among other things.

Our society in recent generations has been destroying that naivety. Our children are becoming old before their time. As I write this a local retail chain is being criticised for selling “tramp” or “hooker” style clothes for young girls. This is only the tip of the iceberg.

The challenge for Christian homes is to allow children to grow up at a pace that is wise, healthy and godly. This pace allows the child to comprehend faith with a sense of wonder and certainty without the cynicism and crassness of the world cascading in. I know the early years of family life with young children can be tense and busy, but take time to allow your children to be in awe of God and to explore faith in a positive environment.

I know we can’t hold the world’s ideas back from our homes, but we can use those crucial early years to prepare our children for the onslaught.

Categories: Child Theology, christian, Christianity, Church, Devotional, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Nostalgia Isn’t What It Used To Be

Posted on August 7, 2012 by Pieter Stok

Opa and the bakery cart

I know I have stolen the title above but it caused me to reflect on my father. For a while my dad was an itinerant hawker selling fruit and vegetables from home to home,  around Ocean Grove and Geelong. There was a tradition in my family of this type of work. A grandfather and a great grandfather had done the same. In fact it was an age of home delivery. The baker, butcher, iceman, milkman and even the draper came in vans on a regular basis. I remember the Rawleigh man coming with his suitcase of lotions and potions. The memories of hearing the milkman’s horse clip clopping past the house in the early morning and chasing the iceman for a piece of ice on a hot dusty day in summer, is still strong.

Slowly these mobile salesmen (I don’t remember ever seeing a woman do this) have faded into the past. Supermarkets and cars led to their demise.  Nothing ever stays the same. Today we are seeing a modern version: Internet sales. The sales people are in our homes and what we want is delivered to our doors. I have to confess that a lot of my purchases are now delivered by my “Pay” pal.

Yet I still miss riding in the back of my dad’s truck during the holidays “helping” him on his rounds and meeting his amazing variety of customers; migrants from all parts of Europe, a WW1 gas attack survivor, and a seaman who had clung to a table when the Titanic sank.  My dad being a gregarious man elicited amazing stories from these, now long gone, people. And I miss the smell of fresh bread wafting from the back of the baker’s van. Horses and carts on the street, even a few, seemed to have a way of slowing life down to a more reasonable pace.

The internet is helpful and efficient. Its range is enormous. But give me the hawkers and the colour and life they brought from house to house. I can’t imagine my children ever being nostalgic about a mouse click on an internet sales site.

Categories: Family, History, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , | 3 Comments

What the Future Holds

Posted on August 2, 2012 by Pieter Stok

A few days ago when I was writing about the joy of family life I included a photo of my grandparents, my mother, an aunt and two uncles, taken in the late 1920s. Later as I reflected on that picture I thought to myself that my grandparents had no idea of what lay before them at this time.

Soon after this photo was taken the world would be gripped by the Great Depression (The Global Financial Crisis on steroids) and then would come the second Great War. They had lived through the first as children. Two of the children in this photo would emigrate:  one to Australia, and later, one to Canada. The daughter (my mum) travelling to Australia would take the only grandchild (me) they would ever see.

One of the uncles in the photo would die of starvation in a home for people with special needs during the later years of WW2. This period was known as the “hunger winter”. My grandfather was incapacitated by heart problems and both grandparents would be dead before 60 years of age.

They did not know what the future would bring. One of my uncles, who was born just after this photo was taken,  often reminds me that it was a tough time. But for all the seeming bleakness of this story there is a bright shaft of hope. These amazing people left a legacy of faith in their family. Despite the hardships there was a trust in God and His promises for His people and His Kingdom. They were faithful in bringing their children up in the knowledge of God and were members of a church.

Even though they had no idea of what the future would bring, they prepared their family as best they could, for it. All the people in this photo are now dead. Earlier this year my mum was the last to pass on. But I am convinced that they live on in the presence of God right now and their faith lives on in many of their children and children’s children.

We do not know the future either, but like my grandparents we do have the opportunity to sow seeds of hope and eternity.

But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children —
with those who keep his covenant 
and remember to obey his precepts. Psalm 103: 17 & 18

Categories: christian, Christianity, Faith, Family, Future, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments

Family – The Simple Joys

Posted on July 29, 2012 by Pieter Stok

Yesterday, to celebrate my birthday, we had a family day. Most of the family were able to get together and we did a host of simple things. The day started with an old family tradition in which the “birthday-ee” gets his or her presents in bed. After breakfast we went for a walk along the coast, then we had a picnic in the bracing air of a seaside town and in the afternoon I built Lego and some baked or read. In the evening we had a family meal, watched old super 8 family movies and finished off with a telephone call to an overseas family member and watching “Cool Runnings”.

It was a simple day. But the joy of having family together and enjoying each other’s presence was fantastic.

So I weep when I see families pulling each other apart or living in each other’s company with constant tension or anger. Families are intended to be places of refuge, comfort, support and encouragement. They are places where warm memories can be shared and enjoyed.

My constant plea with young couples is that they work together on the purpose of their family. Sure, there will be tensions and moments of anger, however, encourage each other with a picture of what the family can be and should be. If you are struggling, seek wise mentors – people whose marriage has blossomed in time and one you would like to emulate. Ask them for their secret for success.

Work at your family as a team. As I was reminded yesterday, it is such a precious treasure.

Categories: Christianity, Church, Devotional, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

What Do You Remember?

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Pieter Stok

What are your earliest memories? I asked myself that question the other day. In a bit over week’s time I turn 62 years young and so I began reminiscing about my earliest years.

Here are some memories up to the age of 3 and a half years:

  • Sitting under a desk listening to the warm conversation of adults at my grandparents’ home.
  • Visiting a great grandfather whose false leg was standing in a corner – that made quite an impression.
  • Visiting the barber who had a jar of lollies/sweets behind the counter.
  • Sitting on the grass in a local square reading a picture book. (This one is reinforced with a photo of the event)
  • Checking my aunt’s pocket with my foot as she was holding onto me and hugging me to see if she had brought me a treat.
  • “Reading” Bible story books and having them read to me.
  • Being separated in child care from my parents on the migrant boat to Australia.

There are many more but these are a few that stand out. The overwhelming emotion that comes from remembering these is security and warmth. I was loved by my parents and my extended family. What a privilege that was and what a joy to remember! I hope that my children have similar memories.

It also leads to me to think of the great number of children today for whom those early years are not surrounded with joy, but in contrast, with pain and neglect.

When you cast your mind back to your earliest memories, what comes back to you?

Categories: Child Theology, christian, Christianity, Devotional, Family | 8 Comments

Eighty Year Olds Holding Hands

Posted on June 27, 2012 by Pieter Stok

The couple I wrote about in yesterday’s post were always holding hands – especially in church. It was a great encouragement to younger married couples that people in their 80s could sit in church holding hands like young lovers.

Once, while visiting them, I mentioned that they were such an encouragement to the couples in the congregation with their example. To which the wife replied with a laugh, “I hold his hand to stop him from fiddling!”

I don’t think that was completely true. They were an amazingly devoted couple.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Please Forgive Me – a lesson for parents, teachers, pastors … all of us really

Posted on June 19, 2012 by Pieter Stok

Many years ago a mentor told me that saying “Sorry” was cheap.  Saying “I’m sorry” left the person who was wronged powerless. There was very little for them to respond to.

The hard thing to say is,  he suggested, “Please forgive me.” Then we make ourselves vulnerable. We place ourselves in the wronged person’s hands. We need to wait for their response. If the person isn’t ready, prepared or of that inclination, they may say “No,” which means that at this point healing and restoration has not occurred. We will need to go further to receive forgiveness.

A great place to practise, “Please forgive me” is in families – particularly between siblings where “I’m sorry” can become a glib catch phrase between skirmishes. To establish a “Please forgive me” procedure is a healthy (and humbling) preparation for relationships outside the family in later life. Knowing that we need to be forgiven for a relationship to be healed also places a brake on our words and actions. It causes us to think twice.

As a Christian, “Please forgive me” reminds me what Christ did so that I might be forgiven. My forgiveness cost a huge price which wasn’t paid by me. Somehow, a glib throw-away “I’m sorry” just doesn’t have the same impact.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Men Leading Boys

Posted on June 17, 2012 by Pieter Stok

My wife observed the following scene:

A granddad was waiting outside a trinket shop. His grandson, about 8 years old, came out and said, “Why aren’t you in the shop with mum and nan?” To which the granddad replied, “I’d die before you’d catch me in a shop like that lad.” Then the granddad put his hands in his pockets and strolled in a circle. The grandson, watching his granddad carefully, put his hands in his pockets and did the same.

This scene speaks volumes about the influence of adults on children. This vignette can be both an encouragement and warning. Our example determines which.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Blessing Our Children – continued

Posted on June 14, 2012 by Pieter Stok
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.  
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly   and to love mercy  and to walk humbly with your God.  Micah 6:8

Another blogger, Christine Sine at Godspace, alerted me to a message by Dr. Rowan Williams the Archbishop Canterbury for a Conference on Sustainable Development. (Follow link if you wish to hear the message). Unusually (seeing it was Dr. Williams), I agreed wholeheartedly with the essence of the message – as far as it went. Dr. Williams’ question: what legacy, environmental, social and religious are we leaving our children? It echoed Micah 6:8. But like Micah 6:8, something else was needed – a sharper gospel perspective. In other words, Micah 6:8 comes alive in the person and ministry of Christ.

One of the failures of Evangelicalism is that it has simply personalised faith: faith, it tells us, is a personal matter between us and God. What it fails to recognize is that Christ, in fact, came to redeem all creation – and  point to a new Kingdom: A new heaven and Earth. By personalising Jesus and forgetting the Kingdom, we have given people permission to rape and pillage the earth. After all, when it is all finished Jesus will come and take me away – game over. Isn’t that the case? Not really.

The first Adam was made a steward by God. His task was to tend the garden God had lovingly created (Gen 1:28). Dealing with our sin, the second Adam (Jesus)  recreated his body – us/the church – into redeemed stewards. When we fail to care for our environment we are discounting and minimising what Jesus came to do. Our sin impacts not just us but also our world. A redeemed child of God is called to live out this new life (by the power of the Spirit) but that new life also involves the world in which we live.

How can we bless our children? We can bless them by showing in our lives how big the Kingdom is. As heralds of that new creation, Christians are called to reveal the way we steward and care for our environment. Which, sadly, has too seldom been the case. It is a practical way of showing love and appreciation to God the creator and loving our neighbour.

So in short, we bless our kids by showing them that Christ’s death and resurrection is real because it shapes the very way we live, not just our “spiritual” lives but also our everyday, social, economic and environmental existence. If we did this of course, our environment would be blessed – because we care as Jesus did.

Categories: Bible, christian, Christianity, Church, Devotional, Environment, Family | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

Blessing Children

Posted on June 13, 2012 by Pieter Stok

It Is Time To Bless Our Children

It is my contention that we have cursed our children enough. We have cursed them with fatherless and motherless homes, abandonment and brokenness. They have been prey to our marketing machines for years. We have burdened them with imponderable choices. Our lifestyles have brought forward puberty, and the innocence of childhood is now gone in the blink of an eye.

Communally we are under the indictment of  Matthew 18:6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. ” Jesus broadens the idea when he says in the next verse, “Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! ” Our failure goes beyond children from Christian homes, to our society in general. We have failed our kids. We have failed them spiritually, physically, developmentally, psychologically  … and the list goes on. This is evidenced by the symptoms: suicide, obesity, unwanted pregnancies, aggression, (some) learning difficulties … and that list continues as well.

For the last few generations we have failed to stop our children stumbling. In fact, we have placed obstacles before them which has prevented too many attaining well-rounded healthy lives.

It is time we blessed our children!

Wealth and unlimited choice hasn’t been the answer. Valueless education (i.e. education without values) hasn’t prevented the problem either. Where does the means for our blessing start? I would like to suggest some ideas, but I urge readers to add their views too.

  • Blessing our children through our own examples: Adults need to show what gracious, trustworthy and well-disciplined lives look like. Where else will our children experience and learn this? Not off the internet or TV.
  • It has been said often but I don’t think we have got the message yet, clear boundaries with clear consequences need to be in place. Nothing creates more uncertainty in a child than a lack of clear rules and expectations.
  • Bless our children with clear values. I am a Christian and I firmly believe the gospel message is the foundation for a healthy life. I need to “walk the talk” if I am to bless my children with the gospel. However, even in a more general sense, values of respect, courtesy, honesty and others, all have a role in developing and maintaining a healthy society. In recent times we have rushed to add laws to coerce obedience because the power of our values has been diluted.
  • Bless our children by limiting choices to the level of their maturity. Too many children grow up believing in their own wisdom because they have had an unbelievable number of choices from a very early age (more about this on an other occasion). Learning obedience is not going stifle their personality. It will instill self-discipline.
  • Bless our children with healthy families. These families, if at all possible, need to be extended families – communities of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins in which a child can learn to share, find a place and garner a treasure trove of memories. Where that is not possible find a community, such as a healthy church and/or neighbourhood where it can work.
  • Also, bless our children by intentionally sowing memories and traditions into their lives that they will remember forever and may even pass onto their children. Our children need to know they are part of a lineage, a history and didn’t just appear alien-like out of the ether; their name has a past and in them, a future.
  • Bless you children with life skills. Chores around the house is not unpaid slavery. They do two things. They remind children that they are a part of a family community which needs them and in which they have a role, and it also teaches them skills that they will need. Cooking, cleaning and budgeting seem to be important but vanishing skills.

How do you bless your children? How do you develop a foundation for a healthy life that can withstand the storms and tribulations that will come? I would love to hear your contributions.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Devotional, Education, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

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