Posts Tagged With: family

Keep The Drawbridge Closed

A few days ago I started a discussion on how we direct our children with regard to faith in this chaotic post-modern environment. The story continues …

How do we guide our children in the fraught area of faith? Some parents try to surround their children with their values and beliefs and keep all other views at bay. We could call this a fortress approach. This method of  parenting, especially in the area of faith, is very understandable. It can be a very nasty, seductive and confusing world out there. So these parents tend to limit the contact their children have with the outside world. TV and the internet is controlled, friends are screened and if at all possible they are home schooled. (I am not suggesting this the motive for all home schooling parents).

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Some parents try the fortress approach.

Is this approach sustainable? I would suggest not. It might be appropriate at young ages but there is also a need for our children to argue for their faith and to justify their beliefs. (I’ll say more about this in the future). The time will come when they are confronted by the world and they will need the foundation and the tools to withstand the onslaught, and advance their faith and worldview. In other words, it is naive to believe that only protecting them is sufficient to plant and grow a healthy and lasting faith.

I have seen too many young people lose their faith when they have gone to university or work for the first time and they haven’t had the where-with-all to counter and defend themselves against the worldviews, thinking and values that others hold. Why? Simply, because they hadn’t been prepared.

So how do we prepare them? More tomorrow.

Categories: Child Theology, christian, christian education, Devotional, Faith, Family, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

Let them Choose

Yesterday I wrote about the confusing “world of faiths” that has developed in Western countries over the last few generations. It is this faith supermarket that our children enter. I didn’t even mention celebrities and Scientology, or the crazy “God will make you rich” fringe of the Christian church – attempts to justify consumption and not feel bad about it. Also I didn’t mention the impact of the marginalisation of the Bible in many churches and the resulting liberalism and watering down of the gospel.

So how do we guide our children? One stream of parents I come across say that we shouldn’t guide our children. “Let them make up their own minds in their own good time. If Christianity is the best faith or the most suitable faith for them they will find it in time. We have an open family where all things are discussed and in time they will chose for themselves. After all, what we believe may not be the best thing for them.” A very open approach.

There are two things I want to say about this:

1. It is not an approach we would use in other areas of life. “Children will discover for themselves the need to brush their teeth, and wash their hands after having been to the toilet. If they wish to follow our example they can, if they don’t, that is their own choice.” We would call that neglect. The result would be rotten teeth and hepatitis Anyone who said this would be considered dim. “When the child decides that school is for them, then they will go to school or be educated.” We can imagine a host of other situations like this. Why then do we do this with faith? I believe the answer is simple. We have consigned it to the less important areas of life. Faith is personal, individual and not part of the mainstream of life. It is not worth the parental investment required. We will encourage sport and music, but not faith.

2. My second point is that this approach is the antithesis of what Scripture commands.

Breakfast Under the Big Birch Tree - Carl Larsson

Breakfast Under the Big Birch Tree – Carl Larsson

Teach your children at every opportunity (Deut 6), train your child (Prov.22:6), do not hinder them from entering the Kingdom (Matt 18). God’s approach, the Bible’s approach is that children are precious and so need to be nurtured in eternal truths – the character of God, the nature of salvation and their place in His Kingdom, from an early age. This takes intention and time, effort and passion, faith and family. Scripture suggests that nurturing children is one of the most important, if not the most important, calling a parent has. There is no place for a laissez faire attitude.

We guard them from live power points, suspicious people and moving cars, so why don’t we protect their eternal souls from the clutches of the evil one?

Next I want to look at the opposite approach: Blinkering the child from other faiths.

Categories: Child Theology, christian, christian education, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

Which Direction?

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When I was young, faith choices were fairly limited. The main choice was between Catholic and Protestant and among the Protestants it was a sub choice from a variety of groups – Methodist, Anglican, Presbyterian and so on. Then a few cults arrived: Jehovah’s Witnesses and Mormons. In the 1960s Charismatic churches started making their presence felt. Up to this point the general focus of faith was still around the Christian tradition even if a few seemed flaky.

Anyway, the choices were largely determined by family tradition. For me, Catholics and Anglicans were out as our family had always been Reformed. The big question in a small country town was where would the girl come from whom I was going to marry? I know it gave my mother sleepless nights! I could come home with a Baptist or even worse, a Catholic!

In the late 60s and into the 70s other, non Christian, groups started showing their faces. Hare Krishnas were the most talked about as they drummed their orange lives into our consciousness. Buddhism, the Baha’i faith, Islam were just some of the other new comers. The occult was always there but it was only whispered about.

All in all it meant that in a few short decades our religious culture had become far more pluralistic. Alongside this came the Postmodern idea that truth is relative and personal. From a relatively homogeneous religious culture we arrived at a smorgasbord. Every person’s taste is now catered for.

How in this culture do Christian parents train their children? If one believes in the truth of Scripture and the reality of Christ and His Kingdom (very absolute beliefs in a Postmodern era), how do we encourage our children to follow, what we believe is truth?

In coming days I hope to explore some approaches that parents take, and consider their effectiveness.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Church, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

A Scary Bible Verse

Train a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Why is this verse scary? It suggests that the influence that parents have on their children has long lasting consequences. If we train them in ambition and covetousness from an early age they will, in all likelihood, learn that lesson well. If we teach them selfishness and pride then it will be an unusual child who will buck the family trend.

However, if we teach and reveal in our lives, faith, a love for God and His Kingdom and a love for one’s neighbour, then only the rare child will turn his or her back on the family’s teaching. This is a principle – not a hard and fast rule.

Statue in StockholmTraining, of course, is more than just words. Training involves example, lifestyle and continual modelling. Acquisitiveness, selfishness, pride, and a whole host of other social traits are being modelled for our children daily in homes all across the world. These children, on the whole, are excelling in the training they are receiving.

The writer of Proverbs was not intending to encourage people into poor behaviour, in fact, he was encouraging the opposite. Yet the principle still holds. Through our ill considered, but consistently lived, lifestyles our children are being taught a host of lessons.

Yet here lies our hope too. Healthy training, modelling and lifestyle, whether it be faith, social justice or diet, if its lived and taught consistently, will have an amazing impact on our children.

Some children will reject their training. The news is that they will be the exception not the rule. This news is both good and bad. Train and model well and we will receive the rewards but if we teach and model poorly, succeeding generations will out perform us in all our weaknesses.

Categories: Bible, christian, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family, Reflections | Tags: , , | 5 Comments

Blind to Blessings

I don’t know if other people are like me but sometimes I fail to recognise how blessed I am.

My child bride is adding another notch on her belt of life on Tuesday. She is turning ** years of age. Her age has remained on 50 for a few years now. I first met her when she was 16, we were engaged when she was 17 and married at 18.  She liked older men – I was 21 when we met. We have known each other now for over 40 years and in that time and from early on she grew to be my best friend and has remained so all that time.

Simply put, God has given given me a fantastic life partner and I have to confess that I have not always recognised that. There were times when work took priority and she loved me regardless. There were other times that I neglected the family and this is when her wisdom and tenacity really shone. There was one infamous occasion when I was in my office (I was a pastor at the time) and the intercom buzzed, “There is someone here to see you.” she chimed sweetly. “Send them up,” I replied. A few minutes later, who should walk into my office but the child bride. I was about to splutter that I was busy, had meetings, a sermon to write and etc. Anticipating what I was going to say, she declared, “If it had been anyone else in the church, or outside of your family for that matter, you would have dropped everything immediately and listened. Now listen! As you are my pastor I need to tell you something. My husband is never at home, he is always busy, the kids never see him and he is working himself into an early grave.” She continued but I won’t bore you. Except, that her husband listened and changed his attitude. And now, whenever he is tempted to lose sight of his priorities, she simply says, “Can I make an appointment to see you?” Usually that is enough. The hint is loud and clear.

God has been good to me through my ‘better half’ but I still need to remind myself of that because often I take the people closest to me for granted. It is an insidious and nasty habit I have.

I believe it illustrates a larger problem that many of us encounter: we are blind to the manifold blessings that shower our lives. They can be physical, spiritual, relational and emotional – family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues, team mates. Rather than looking at the problems, issues, crises, conflicts and loads to carry, I know that I need to take stock often and starting very close to home, remember how God has blessed me.

If I am not careful my child bride may ask for an appointment.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Faith, Family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 8 Comments

Our Lego Addiction

There are many things I am nearly addicted to: cheese, ice cream, a good wine & etc. The fear of weight increase and clogged arteries keeps that controlled, but we have a family addiction. I don’t think I have written about it much. Our friends know about it and if they don’t approve they at least quietly acknowledge my/our condition and just mutter quietly among themselves.

100_9033This obsession revolves around plastic – a plastic block. Yes, you have guessed – Lego or as the Americans say Legos. We started the collection about 35 years ago. Now that our last daughter has fled from the house we can finally take it out of cupboards, from under beds and on top of wardrobes as, at last, we have a room to store it in.

Over the years we have found a myriad ways to justify collecting and building with this Danish building material. Here are some.

  1. We don’t have to think too hard for birthday and Christmas presents. Every second Christmas [odd years] is officially nominated as a Lego Christmas. There is not much point shaking the box to guess what is inside.
  2. P1020780It is an activity that the family can do together.
  3. It encourages creativity.
  4. Rather than having lots of toys, it is one toy that grows.
  5. It has allowed a dad who has six daughters (and now we are speaking of the distant past here) to lie on the floor playing with toys alongside his daughters without compromising his masculinity. (Side note: I promised myself a train-set when my first son was born. After three girls I went out and bought a train set anyway – a Lego train set so it would fit in with what the girls were doing.
  6. And now that we are home alone, my wife and I have something to play with. As the knees are not what they used to be, we don’t play with them on the floor any more.
  7. It was great toy for hand eye coordination when the girls were young. Now that we are getting older it helping my wife and me maintain our dexterity and test how far our eyesight has deteriorated.

The moral is: If you have an obsession or addiction, ensure that it is a healthy one.

Photos illustrating the illness can be found: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pstok/collections/72157613256264075/

P1030851

Categories: Family, Lego, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: | 7 Comments

If I Settle On The Far Side Of The Sea

if I settle on the far side of the sea … Psalm 139:9b

Psalm 139 resonates with migrants and in particular verse 9b: ” if I settle on the far side of the sea.” Leaving home and leaving everything that is familiar, family connections, friends, church, traditions and landmarks, is an amazingly brave move. I was only three and half years old when my parents upped anchor and moved to Australia.

The mental and emotional processes required to come to that decision were huge. Yes, I know that Holland was recovering from WW2 and work was difficult to find but travelling to a new unfamiliar land must have also been a daunting process. As I was growing up I remember a number of families returning to Europe and the UK. The wrench was too much. Some even came and returned a number of times.

In our first 15 years, before my parents had accumulated enough to purchase a house, let alone find money to visit the family, all my grandparents passed away. My parents had an opportunity later in life to return a few times but by that time parents and some family members had already passed on.

Now we live in a different world. One of my daughters travels to Australia every Christmas to visit us. That wasn’t an option 45 years ago.

Psalm 139 reminds us of a God who has a keen and intimate knowledge of, and love for, His children, even if they “settle on the far side of the sea.” As we approach Easter we are reminded that this same God loved us that much that he sent us His son to deal with our sinful condition and our separation from God.

From that perspective, the “far side of the sea” is not such a big deal. Our sinfulness was a far bigger gulf.

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Memories of Church No.4 – Conflict and Conclusions

The last part – for the time being.

As I grew up, particularly in my teen years, I began to realise that Christians weren’t perfect and conflict was an inevitable part of church life. It became obvious that the words and actions of adults didn’t always match, and that motives were not always pure. One became aware of the cliques and groups – people with different attitudes, agendas or values.

In the early 1960s our church had a very conservative, very Dutch minister. In order to attend communion, which was held every three months, you needed to attend church twice a Sunday. My dad, also Dutch and stubborn, had refused to travel to Geelong twice a Sunday after his little church in Ocean Grove had been closed. “If they close my church, I am only going once!” So the scene was set for conflict. Every three months before communion my family would receive “huisbezoek” – a home visit by the elders and minister. I was allowed to attend the formalities: coffee, Bible reading and prayer. Then I was sent to my room. However I could still hear the “conversation” between my father and the minister clearly through the walls. Dad didn’t give in and neither did Dominee K.

As I stated earlier, Dominee K returned to Holland and we had a new minister who simply asked my dad, “Do you love the Lord?” To which my father replied, “Of course!” and so he was allowed to return to the communion table. And my father started going to church, twice on a Sunday!

The arrival of the Pentecostal movement had far more profound effects. The church became divided, some families split and there were married couples who lived in tension for decades to come, with the death of a partner greeted with relief rather than sorrow as it ended an unhealed past. The power of deeply held beliefs to unify is profound, but its power to divide is monumentally tragic.

Looking back, I can now see the attraction of the charismatic outbreak. There was a joy in God and worship, a recognition of the power of the Spirit and an overall enthusiasm for faith and outreach. At the time there were also excesses and extremism. But that was true of both sides. Both groups saw right on their side. I don’t want to enter into the theology of this division at this point but rather consider the attitudes that people held that didn’t reflect Christ. As a young person at the time I was bewildered. How could beliefs, people and values shift so quickly? On the other hand I was in a privileged position as the two key leaders on both sides of the debate had a profound impact on my life. They were both men who loved the Lord deeply. Their followers were not always that wise. Blacks were made blacker and whites whiter. I have come to reflect that we often justify our attitudes by hardening our positions. There are times when we may need to separate or part ways due to deep disagreements but this can still be done with grace and Christ-likeness. This is particularly true when the heart of the gospel is not compromised.

Over 45 years later, I now work in a school where fellow Christians from a wide variety of evangelical backgrounds respect each other’s differences and work together for the common good of Christ’s Kingdom and Christian education. These changes didn’t happen overnight. It took many, many years. I rejoice often that I have lived to see a day when the values of two men I respected dearly have come to coexist and empower the place where I work. More importantly, I believe because of this healthy co-operation, we can see Christ and His kingdom more clearly.

Hah! But that callow youth back in the late 1960s did not have clue of what God had in mind.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, Family, History, my dad | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

Memories of Church No. 2 or Coffee, Calvinism and Cigars

Yesterday I started my reflections on growing up in a migrant church in the 1950s.  Today the story continues …

By my mid teen years we were worshiping in Geelong. This congregation, which was much larger, did not have its own building yet and had also moved several times – from a Temperance Hall (with amiable rats) to Church Halls. At this time I attended “Catechism classes”, also in relocated army huts. (A story for another occasion involves the Friday after school Catechism classes held at our home. But that deserves a special heading of its own). Previously we had  had Saturday Morning School. Every Saturday morning, (as the name suggests!) the children from Ocean Grove were herded into a windowless van my dad normally used to cart veggies, and were sent to a house in Geelong, which also doubled as a theological college, (these dutchies weren’t shy!) and we spent two hours learning about the Bible, Church History and creation while our Aussie friends played football, tennis or cricket. I must confess they were not my favourite two hours of the week. It was an attempt by  our parents and the church to compensate for the lack of Christian education,  not as I suspected at the time, a form of sadistic adult cruelty.

Around that time, due to the closure of our church, we started attending church in Geelong which had a very traditional dutch minister. When asked what the church was doing for evangelism, his honest reply was, “We open the doors of the church every Sunday.” He soon returned to Holland (and, I believe, to a “black stocking” church) and a new minister arrived who had a profound impact on my life. Rev. J.W. Deenick was a staunch Calvinist who had an amazing sense of the the Christian’s role in the Kingdom of God. With the gift of hindsight I realise that he planted some of that in me.

The church services were just as dull as usual – the hymns sober, the organ slow and not a

Image: Courtesy, Wikipedia

Image: Courtesy, Wikipedia

guitar in sight. I recall on one occasion being reprimanded by my dad for wearing corduroy trousers, “Would you visit the Queen wearing those pants?” “She hasn’t invited me,” I thought but didn’t dare express.  However, now with the new minister there were activities to get involved in; Holiday Clubs (or Vacation Bible Schools) to run and Beach Missions to organise during the summer. For a keen teenager this gave purpose to a Christian’s life. Looking back, it was a time when we began to shed our ethnic hangups and sought to become part of Australian society and bring our own unique contributions: coffee, Calvinism and cigars – not necessarily in that order.

All the while we still had our dreaded catechism classes after which followed the more enjoyable youth club time with its topical studies, business meeting and games – as well as meeting girls. This is where I discovered my wife – after a few false starts!

Tomorrow I want to explore my entry into Christian education.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, Family, my dad, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Memories of Church No 1.

Some of my earliest memories centre on Church. In our small migrant community in Ocean Grove during the mid 1950s, our kitchen was the biggest room. So every Sunday the Reformed people would meet at our home. Sometimes a sermon was read and on occasions a visiting preacher would do the honours. My dad played an asthmatic reed organ that he had rescued from somewhere – possibly the tip.  He also  loved the once a month communion service because the bottle of left over wine was passed on to him – a real treat at a cashed strapped time! I imagine his only regret was that cigars were not part of the service!

Our family in that kitchen in about 1957. N.B. I was a blond in those days.

Our family in that kitchen in about 1957. N.B. I was a blond in those days.

When the community grew in size we moved to the “Methodist Camp” which had a hall large enough to accommodate the growing community. My brother was baptised there as a baby in 1956. Later it was the Anglican Church Hall. A time came when we built our own church building over the road from the Primary School. A disused army hut was moved on site and as funds became available it was rebuilt to serve as a multi use hall. The kids were able to help by carrying and painting and serving cups of tea and coffee.

However by the mid 1960s most of the dutch migrants had moved closer to Geelong and to places of work. The church closed and the building was relocated to another town for another small congregation.

This period of time, at the most encompassing 12 years, has warm memories for me. The overwhelming sense is one of community and cooperation. “New Australians” needed each other as they coped with the massive issues of arriving in a new land. For a while we shared a car with one of the other families. People helped each other out and the church building was just a small example of a bigger attitude of selfless service. When babies were born the rest of the children were farmed out – this was so “usual” for us and it was fun to have new brothers and sisters for a week.

This was my first memory of church. It was what I thought church was about. Years later as wealth entered the community and people became more independent something was lost.

But I like to dream. I remember the time when people walked from all corners of Ocean Grove just to come to our kitchen. I remember the laughter as the adults drank coffee and smoked (sorry – I have to tell the truth!) after the service. There were all these friends I could play with and we could take walks near the marshes along the river. That was Sunday and that was church. When I got back home and everyone had left I would find dad settling down with a glass of wine, and a cigar – if he was lucky.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, Family, my dad, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

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