Posts Tagged With: family

“Start children off on the way they should go, 
   and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

The following is an added thought to my post on “parenting” the other day.

This proverb contains a profound, yet simple, principle. It is not a guarantee  – an absolute money back gold plated pledge. No, it is a principle. Train your child in the manner suggested in the post a few days ago (Some random thoughts on parenting)  and it will be rare and unusual for your child to turn from the morals, behaviours and values that you have instilled in them. The child who rebels will do so intentionally because he or she has chosen to move from the standard set before them. But again, this occurrence is rare. However conversely, if you do not train your child intentionally from the start, it is rare for the child to find a straight and healthy path (faith, values, attitudes and behaviours) in life. Of course, some will, but they will have to consciously chose to move from the valueless and directionless beginnings they have been raised in.

Parents often say to me, “In the area of faith I want my child to make their own decision when they are older.” At first this has the ring of reason, but in no other area of our parenting do we do this. “Dear, you chose to read and write when you want to.” Or, “You chose if you want to wash your hands after going to the bathroom.” And so on. If God’s Word is true, and I believe it is, then the principle placed before us is crucial in all areas of the child upbringing, including, and especially, the area of faith.

“Start children off on the way they should go, 
   and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Some one asked me, “Off the top of your head, what are some key pointers on being a good parent?”

Well here goes:

• My first point will hurt some of you. This is not intentional but I still have to say it. Work on a healthy marriage relationship. It needs time and effort. The better this is, the more at peace your children will be. It gives comfort and security.
• Set a consistent examples in all matters – not only, but especially spiritual. If you muck things up with your child, confess your sin/mistake seek their forgiveness. That is a powerful example.
• Set clear boundaries and have consistent consequences when they are overstepped. Kids can’t handle parents whose boundaries are hot and cold. It creates uncertainty and a multitude of issues.
• Know your child. Be aware of their temptations and weaknesses ( and look beyond the obvious as they can be sneaky while appearing upright – in other words they are sinful like us!). Chastise, nurture and correct accordingly. You don’t have to use identical methods with all children. Being sent to their room might be a pleasure for the quiet child but unbearable for the social child.
• Don’t give young children too many choices. Giving choices is not a sign of good parenting. With young children it gives them a power and authority they cannot handle.
• Parent according to the age and maturity of your child. Don’t give too much freedom to a young child and when an older child shows trustworthiness and maturity expand their freedom.
• Take an interest in your children. This is especially true for fathers who often have a hands off policy. Show them love and appreciation. A simple practical example: boys who don’t see their father read, seldom like reading. So, make sure you read to and with your children – especially sons. Also dads, remember you are the model of being a male to your sons and your daughters.
• Have regular times of serious and fun worship. Teach (and memorise) the Bible, have times of prayer and singing. Don’t make it a chore as this leads to legalism.
• Finally,but not exhaustively, create intentional memories for your family and work on family identity. I’ll say more about it some other time.

Family is intended to be a place of warmth and pleasure and not the snarly back biting jungle it too often becomes. My prayer is that your family is a source of joy and pleasure, despite the hard work.