Family

Blindness of the Heart

I have written previously about my father’s experience as an “conscripted” worker forced to work in Germany during World War 2. In the photo below, my dad (on the left) stands with two friends at a tram stop in Berlin in 1943.

dad germany

At a tramstop: Berlin c1943

From the photo it is difficult to believe there is a horrendous war going on at the time it was taken. Almost four years of war have already been gone through, yet daily life, it seems, is going on as normal. Within the next two years allied troops would storm Berlin and it would become a divided city until the fall of the Berlin Wall in November 1989. The people of Germany may have had an inkling, but certainly no knowledge of, what was going to happen in the future. As best they could, they were living life as normally as possible.

We may have a variety of responses to this. They must have been blind, or foolish or wilfully ignorant. Or, maybe, they were caught in a trap of their leader’s making and they felt powerless to do anything about it.

So often we live like that too. Men are good at denying symptoms of a disease until it is too late. Parents see behaviour in their children that should alert them to dangers but continue pretending that everything is ok. Or most seriously, we know there is a spiritual dimension to our lives but we fail to respond to it.

The other day I reviewed a book by Francis Spufford “Unapologetic”. What I liked about it was the struggle that he revealed as he dealt with those spiritual questions. He didn’t push that “spiritual nagging” aside but opened his life to its challenging journey.

My dad was a man like that. He was the black sheep of his family and the church. He asked questions that no one could, or wanted to, answer. However, as a child growing up it was plain to me that my dad had an on going conversation/argument/relationship with God. There was never a doubt about God’s existence. My dad just struggled to understand God’s intentions, or at other times submit to His call on my dad’s life.

One of the spiritual legacies my father left to me was the image of a real God who comes into our lives. He also showed me that this was a dynamic, on going and relationship. So, unlike the people in the photo above, there was never any doubt about how “life’s story” would end and who was in control.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Devotional, Faith, Family, History, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 5 Comments

People I Admire

This is the first in an occasional series entitled, “People I Admire”.

My friends, a married couple who have seen more than five  decades race past, have not always had it easy. On a number of occasions they have been traumatised by events in the church, yet serve the Lord assiduously. His Kingdom, the needs of the less fortunate and the care of friends are not just on their minds but, more importantly, part of their daily actions. My friends’ faith is a positive constant challenge to my life before the Lord.

Up to this point, their children, on the whole, are indifferent, though not antagonistic about faith despite the example their parents. In the midst of this my friends resolutely honour God with their lives. They take God’s commands seriously and live the gospel to their grandchildren, taking every opportunity bring to life the covenant injunction to teach our children and grandchildren. My hope, prayer and trust is that God will bless that faithfulness in time.

Cornwall_157

Somewhere on this beach in Cornwall my friends are engaged in their fetish of collecting rocks.

Over the years their extended family has grown through unusual circumstances. Step relatives have been added to the family tree in droves. Some of these people have incredible physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Yet that has become another opportunity to live for, and reflect, Christ. I am constantly humbled by their grace.

They have impacted our life, as a family, to the extent that our children see them as aunty and uncle. They have supported us deeply over many years with practical, emotional and spiritual support. I could go on about the many, many lives they touch in their daily walk – because they are legion, but I wont.

I admire these friends because Jesus shapes their lives. They are not perfect, they are still this side of heaven, but every time I see them I have a glimpse of what Jesus is like.

The true treasures of life are relationships: family and friends. These friends are true treasures who reveal what it means to live a life of Christian thankfulness!

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Muesli

It was Muesli’s 35th birthday yesterday. He has had numerous face transplants and repairs. He has also had some fancy clothes made for him over time. His internals have been replaced on a few occasions – coconut husk was replaced with rice. I have no idea what it is today. His eyes are still original – but slightly glazed.

Muesli on a holiday to Tasmania. That is his friend Hot Milk in the foreground.

At 35 Muesli is frail, precious and a constant companion to my second oldest daughter. Muesli is like a member of the family.

When my daughter was about one year old she discovered him in our local Chemist’s shop window in Tasmania, with the perfumes, cold remedies and lotions. In her one year old way she made sure my wife knew that she had fallen in love with him.

1977 was the year we celebrated Christmas a month early as we were going to be travelling on Christmas Day. That is how we remember that Muesli has his birthday on the 25th of November. He was a special gift that year. Since then Muesli has travelled far and wide. Without a doubt he must be one of the most constant companions anyone has ever had. Every now and then he comes home so my wife can repair him or give him a face transplant.

Muesli is the elder statesman of a collection of inanimate but very real companions in our family. Fiona, Jessica and Grover are just some of the others. And do I have one? Do I have a cute stuffy toy to drag around like some toddler!? Excuse me! I am a respectable 62 year old teacher and ex – pastor. I have a reputation to maintain. Umm,  Sequoia is a cute little brown bear cub I found in the Sequoia and King’s Canyon National Park in California. He has been travelling with me since 2003. My kids have brought me up well.

Categories: Family, Reflections, Toys, Travel | Tags: , | 3 Comments

The Pressure Points in Marriage

A recently married person asked me the other day what the pressure points were in our 38+ years of married life. Things have been so calm for a number of years ( apart from a moment on an Italian motorway), I had to think. Yes, there had been times when we had to work hard to love each other. Or as an old Dutchman once said, “I never, absolutely never, ever thought of divorce – it never entered my mind, never, … but murder, quite a few times.”

For every couple those pressure points will be different. Their personalities, character traits and circumstances will mean unique pressures on their marriage. Here are some that I struggled with.

1. Having a large family, money and unemployment were issues on occasions. In my early 30s I was studying and working part-time jobs. We had three young children. Money and time were scarce. As a husband and father I had to ensure there was time for my wife and children. In the balancing act that didn’t always happen the way it should. The consequences were tensions and anger. Sadly, while studying Christology I was not always Christ like!

2. Working in people intensive vocations like teaching and the pastoral ministry, this has sometimes led to the family coming second best. Being a “people pleaser” I had the ironic tendency to neglect the people closest to me. On one occasion my wife phoned to tell me that someone needed to speak to me. At the appointed time, she marched in. Before I could protest, my wife reminded me that if it had been anyone else I would have dropped everything and listened. So I listened, and she told me a story of a husband who was never available for his wife and kids and worked all hours. Now if I get too involved in work she says, “Can I make an appointment?” I get the message. Happily, that has occurred less frequently in more recent times. I do learn – slowly.

3. Another area of tension has been immaturity and selfishness- usually mine. This is when we want to get our own way on the issue. Sometimes the issue even slides into the background and it becomes a power struggle between two human beings. Unedifying to all concerned and especially to any children who happen to be watching.

The solutions nearly sound cliched – prayer and devotions. Committing time to each other and communication, communication and communication. Having regular set parts of the day where  you find time to talk together is crucial. I know it is easier said than done but it is so important.

Sometimes is it is good to remind yourselves what brought you together in the first place: The faith, shared values, interests and passions. Also the older I get I realise that there is one special person with whom I share so many memories – memories that only the two of us share. That is precious and worth protecting.

Most of all we share a journey with God. He is the third strand (Eccl 4:12). If there were times when we were weak, we had to rely on Him even more. So even when we let each other down He has never let us down.

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The Church, The Industrial Revolution and The Family

What do the three things above have to do with each other? A lot it seems.

Have you noticed that the body of Christ in many, particularly larger churches, has morphed into a series of “departments”: children’s, youth, men’s, women’s, singles and etc. Sadly this is also, too often, reflected in worship services. Children have their own “Children’s Church”, youth have theirs and so on.

I am told that many modern parents don’t want to be annoyed by their children in church.

To be honest, this is a tragic state of affairs and the church can only be poorer for it. The church should be the epitome of an integrated, mutually dependent body, functioning for each other’s good and promoting the Kingdom as one in the world – not a loose connection of independent limbs.

Charlie Chaplin in Modern Times

The industrial model may work well on assembly lines but not the church. The older members need to be reminded of the calling they have to nurture the young through word and example. The young remind the older members of the wonder and naïveté of faith. We need each other. We weren’t meant to be separated – just as a family is not meant to be compartmentalised.

Of course there are times when separate activities are sound and worthwhile, but this shouldn’t characterise the church. To have integrated worship services and activities can be difficult. It requires us to think carefully about the needs of each member and their relationship to the whole. But isn’t that the very challenge that makes it worthwhile! And finally, how many Sunday Schools, Youth services, and specialist departments can you find in the New Testament. I could only find one, the Deacons.

Categories: christian, Christianity, Church, Devotional, Faith, Family, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

50 Things We Learnt …

50 Things We Learnt From Our Father

One of my favourite possessions is a framed poster made by two of my daughters when I turned 50 … that is, a long time ago. This poster has hung in my study ever since. They called it, “50 Things We Learnt From Our Father.” It contains a whole range of ideas from the humorous to the serious. Some of the lessons came from their own experience and some are dated. An example, “Don’t dance near the record player.”

My favourites include:

  • “You can’t have enough of a good cheese”
  • “Horizontal and vertical stripes do go together” (A dig a their father’s lack of fashion sense)
  • “How to make toasted cheese sandwiches”
  • “Breadboards make the best plates”
  • “All meals can be prepared … and eaten, with a frying pan and a fork”
  • “There is always room for another book in your collection”
  • “Anything can be turned into a sermon illustration”

But there are others which are more serious:

  • “Girls can do anything”
  • “Don’t be afraid to try something new”
  • “Lookout for your sisters”

My favourites, which bring a lump to my throat are:

  • The joy of living for Christ”
  • Faith in the Living God”

Family life is a treasure of the big and small, the mundane and spectacular. All of it is a wonderful stage to grow a family. If you are starting out with your children remember that everything you do is being observed, from your fashion sense to your faith!

 

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The Light of Christ

When we travel we like to listen to our favourite music. Having been on the road for the last week we listened to a lot of music. Michael Card is one singer/song writer whose songs we both like.

In the song, “For F.F.B.” he sings of his grandfather with the words, “In you I learned the kind of faith that looked up to the mountains. In you I saw just what I’d like to be. Oh, Grandad, I wish you could be here to tell me what to do, ‘cause I first saw the light of Christ through you.”

The phrase, “‘cause I first saw the light of Christ through you” made me think of those who first allowed me to see the light of Christ. When we were impressionable children who were those people through whom Christ shone? Parents? Grandparents? Family? Friends?

This is such a profoundly important concept, than for no other reason than the eternal faith of our children, our aim as adults should be to grow in Christlikeness.

Just after our fist child was conceived we received a visit from our pastor who reminded us that a child is conceived into an eternity of heaven or hell. Very blunt! But his point was simple, nothing is more important than the faith of our children and as parents we must do everything we can to prepare our children for an eternity with God. Or in Michael Card’s words to allow our children to see “the light of Christ through” us.

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The Simpler Life … continued

Some of my recent posts have stirred up more old memories. They made me think about how we entertained ourselves as children in the 1950s and early 60s. Here are a few of things that I remember doing:

Courtesy: Google Images

My dad was a green grocer with a huge stack of fruit boxes. These could be constructed into the most wonderful cubby houses – in fact they became a cubby city with tunnels and streets. I remember doing a similar things in a haystack on a farm I visited regularly. Many Saturday and summer hours were whiled away here.

When I was 10 or 11 I constructed my first crystal set to pick 3GL the Geelong station. Construction was a regular pastime – model “Airfix” planes which I would hang from my bedroom ceiling, and later balsa and paper planes powered by tiny 2.5 cc motors and guided by control wires.

Walking the streets of our town was never an issue – even at night. People looked out for each other and their children. In fact, if I did do something naughty it would usually get back to my parents. We would take walks along the beach collecting cuttlefish and other “treasures” or tramp through the bush behind our town known as Cuthbertsons. If we were sick of walking there were always bike rides to neighbouring towns.

Courtesy: Google Images

On a couple of occasions we went to the local airstrip to look at the planes and on at least two occasions we went up for a gratis joy ride. I can’t imagine that happening today without eyebrows being raised – to say the least.

Camping at a friends farm, playing sports at the local football and tennis clubs, playing cricket and football on the unpaved street, “cowboys and Indians” in the scrub, marbles, swapping comics, playing with a chemistry set (do you remember Ron?)… are just a few more of the things that come to mind.

Finally, as we didn’t have a TV set until I was in my mid teens, I spent some time in the evening listening to the serials on the radio or crystal set. Biggles, Dad and Dave, No Holiday for Halliday are just a few I remember.

What do you remember doing as a child in the “olden days”?

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Father’s Day

It was Father’s Day yesterday so I did some quick reckoning. I have been a father for about 190 years. In the next year or so I will turn 200 years of father.

There have been tough moments: serious illnesses, parenting decisions, allowing the child out with the car for the first time by themselves, the odd quarrel and so forth. There was the immense grief on the death of a child tempered by the joy that God loved him more than we did. It has been tough financially: schooling, clothing and feeding. We made the decision early that my wife would be a stay at home mum. Our thinking was that the family was more important than money. I realise that not everybody is in a position to make that decision in this era. But most of all those 190 years have been a delight.

Watching children grow into their gifts, talents and character is an amazing revelation of God’s creation. Here are six human beings that all add a different and unique perspective on life.

So I thought, how does Father God look at us? The sorrow of our sin and the joy of our faith and love must move His heart with emotions that are beyond our imagination. As His family grows in a vision of the Kingdom His fatherly pride must also grow.

As dads, we have the privilege of reflecting, in a tiny way, an aspect of the character of God. So my challenge to myself and other dads is to grow in being Godly. When our kids look at us they should get a glimpse of the fatherhood of God. Now that is a challenge!

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Family Memories

Minifigs invade the Eiffel Tower

What are your favourite family memories and traditions? Was it a particular Christmas, a trip, a visit by someone special, a particular meal your mum cooked, a tradition your family has – what were they? These moments that warm our heart whenever we think of them are special. A sight, smell or word can often, quite spontaneously, take us back to a time and place.

Positive memories are part of our emotional health. They remind us of important connections, people and values. They anchor us in a family and history. I recognise that some readers don’t have these and I find that incredibly sad. That is all the more reason to build these into our own families.

Muesli and Hot Milk

Our, now grown-up, children often reflect on events and activities from the past that are important to them. Some of these my wife and I planned and others happened by accident. Having pizza on Christmas Eve in which everyone pitched in, just happened. This tradition was so important that even when my wife and I were living in a tiny flat in England, and all the girls came over for a visit, we still had to have pizza on Christmas Eve – or as close to it as possible.

Grover at Conwy Castle

Having an all girl family (apart from me) meant that particular stuffed toys and dolls gained a life all of their own. To this day questions about Muesli, Jessica, Grover and Fiona’s welfare pepper the conversation as though they are real – which, of course, they are!

The camping trips to Canberra and Woodgate, the building of Lego cities and towns and making “continental” s’mores (using Speculaas biscuits and Lindt chocolate instead of Graham crackers and Hershey bars) either around an open fire or over tea lights, are just a few more memories and traditions that I am certain will continue through the generations.

So what memories do you have and what memories are you building? In a fleeting and uncertain world they are more important than you think.

Categories: Devotional, Family, Reflections | Tags: , | 4 Comments

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