Posts Tagged With: family

I Have a Violin

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Dad’s Violin

I have a violin, which may seem strange, as I can’t play a note.  Next month I will have had it for 20 years and I still don’t play a note.

It is my father’s violin. I say “is” because even though he died 20 years ago it will never be mine.  It will always remind me of him – playing in the evening, in a group or even doing a duet with one of his granddaughters on keyboard or recorder.

The violin goes back as far as I can remember in my distant recollections – back to Holland. My dad had many musical instruments over the years: pianos, harmoniums, keyboards, recorders, pan pipes …   He tried all sorts, even a guitar but his fingers were too short for the neck which made the violin ideal.  He played by ear so it was not always enjoyable when he first got hold of a new instrument.

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Dad and his violin

But the violin is the oldest.  It is the one instrument that is always part of my memories of my father.  Yes there are many other memories like dad packing my mother’s vacuum cleaner into a soundproof box so it could push air into the harmonium with the result that he didn’t have to pedal – and mum didn’t have a vacuum cleaner.  Yet over all these moments the image of my father and his violin remains the most enduring.

It will be 20 years next month when my dad was promoted from being an earthly fiddler to a player in heaven’s orchestra with some of his favourite composers and musicians. I can imagine dad under the musical direction of J. S. Bach.

But even after 20 years I still miss his playing – the good and the bad.

Categories: Family, my dad, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: | Leave a comment

When they see among them their children …

20130425-165731.jpg22 Therefore this is what the Lord, who redeemed Abraham, says to the descendants of Jacob: ‘No longer will Jacob be ashamed; no longer will their faces grow pale. 23 When they see among them their children, the work of my hands, they will keep my name holy; they will acknowledge the holiness of the Holy One of Jacob, and will stand in awe of the God of Israel. 24 Those who are wayward in spirit will gain understanding; those who complain will accept instruction.’

Isaiah 29 22-24

These verses come in the midst of God’s frightening judgement upon Jerusalem before Judah’s exile in Babylon.  In contrast to the prophecy of the horrors to come, the passage quoted looks beyond this time of exile to a future when there will be joy and genuine awe in the worship of God.

Many commentators when considering this passage jump on the word “children” and translate that as “future generations”.  There is no problem with that, except we lose the critical idea of being a child and the uniqueness of childhood. Too often commentators suggest that we are dealing with a generation of adults in the future. This, in my view, waters down the intent of the passage.

But why does Isaiah/God use the word “children”?

Which parent has not on occasions sat back and quietly mused on the joy of their children – their exploits, wonder, faith and accomplishments. Our hearts are warmed in the knowledge that they are products of our union! I know there are moments when the opposite occurs but let us stay with the positive for the moment. Children are a symbol of amazing potential and promise. In this passage they are reminders and metaphors for naïve and innocent wonder at the character and actions of God.

Children can remind jaded adults of the joy of the discovery of faith and the wonders of God and His creation and most important, the relief and exhilaration of salvation. They are God’s “sacrament” (symbol or image if you prefer) of new faith, new hope and new future – a crucial idea in the passage above.

In the Isaiah passage children are prophecies of awe filled worshippers (in the fullest sense), of God.

I believe this passage is pointing to Christ but also to his second coming when we will see, completely, how all things will be made new. In the meantime, while we wait for the return of the King. Our children are still heralds of faith and future. We jaded, cynical and worldly-wise adults need to make sure that we do not squash that vision in our children  – or our own hearts.

Categories: Bible, Child Theology, Children, christian, Christianity, Church, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

40 Years Today

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The two of us in front of the autumn vine (mentioned in the poem the other day) May 11 1974

In the last two posts my wife and I have reflected, in poetry, on our 40 years together. I wondered at how quickly the time had passed but she thought more about the significant events enclosed by our marriage.

It made me ponder more deeply. In this time I have seen friends divorce and others tragically lose a partner. So I must praise God for keeping these two unique and stubborn individuals together and safe throughout those 40 years. Then I dug a little deeper and thought about the person that I was 40 years ago. To be painfully honest Pieter Stok, 40 years ago, was a naive, self centred and arrogant person. I can hear some of my friends say, “What’s changed?”

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Signing our lives away.

I believe that I have mellowed and grown over those 40 years and this has all been due to a mystical combination of God using His Word, my wife, children, wider family and friends to grow me more like the person He wants me to be … and there is still a long, long way to go.

Now I know I wont get another 40 years of marriage this side of heaven but I am looking forward to what God still has in store for us. The journey to this point with its highs and lows, pains and joys has been amazing. I cannot imagine having gotten to this point with anyone else and I cannot express enough how thankful I am for the life partner He has given me.

 

So today we celebrate 40 years and anticipate a future.

Praise God!

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With parents …

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and siblings

Categories: Family, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: | 4 Comments

… I’m 18

My wife responded with her own poem after reading my effort yesterday. It connects our children and events in our lives with places we have lived in.

 

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Hip dude with chick and groovy chain circa 1972/3

When I see my husband, I’m 18
And his hands touch young flesh.
Collendina

When I look at Neti, our creative firstborn, I’m 20
And we’re playing “zoom, zoom” in the park.
When I think of our Kiki, I’m 22
And I am watching her sturdy little legs carry her along the track.
Kingston Beach

When I see Jac’s smile, I’m 27
And her friends are at the school gate, screaming:
“Hi, Jacqui’s Mum!”
Goodna

When I gaze at Alex’s face, so serene, I’m 29
And she is anything but peaceful, shouting the words of her reader at me.
When I see Caroline, I feel Caroline. I’m 29
And I’m holding my breath until I feel her move, the touch of her feet dancing.
Mt. Gravatt

When I look at Rosey, I’m 33
And we’re having a race to complete jigsaw puzzles.
Leongatha

There’s kindness in Paul’s eyes, I’m older now.
And we’re laughing in church at a Lego joke.
Geelong

There are hundreds of photos, 
A thousand memories,
Countless stories.
They add up to forty years.

Yet when I see my Pieter
I’m 18……

Categories: Family, Poem, poetry | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

40 Years

ph9Where have they gone,
those forty years?
Yesterday we were so young
and naïve.

I can hardly remember
the blur that was
our  wedding day when
nerves froze my memory
that afternoon
all those speedy years ago.

The multi coloured autumn vines
behind the church
are the backdrop to my
photo black and white memories.

My hair was darker then
and yours longer and curlier.
But because the years have gone so fast
we can’t be as old as the years
crossed off the calendar.

Let us continue in our
mature youth
and live each day with fresh visions
so next year again we can ask,
“Where have they gone,
those forty one years?”

Categories: Family, Poem, poetry, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

A Dream for the Spiritual Health of Our Children

skate board ramp“We dream of a local church that is willing to radically rethink what it means to worship God together in ways that are meaningful across generations. This wouldn’t mean simply tweaking  our current elements of worship to make them more child friendly, and it wouldn’t involve the juvenilization of the church. Instead it would mean turning committed disciples of all ages to worship God together. As the contemporary world brings new ways of thinking about and doing church togther, we hope this is part of the agenda.

In her book Welcoming Children, Joyce Mercer asks, “what would happen if, instead of removing children for not conforming to the styles of worship comfortable to adults, we changed some of those styles to invite the fuller participation of children?” We imagine Jesus would answer  this question by taking a child into his arms and saying,”The kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” Will we follow our teacher?”

Children’s Ministry in the Way of Jesus, David M. Csinos and Ivy Beckwith, IVP Praxis 2013, p 125

 

 

Categories: Child Theology, Children, Church, Faith, Family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

The Injustice System

A little under a week ago an official conference was arranged between my daughters and one of the young men who burned their house down 14 months ago. My wife and I went along to support them. There was a representative from the police, the young man and his mother, his counsellor, their lawyer and a Victims of Crime support worker for my family. Ironically, the support worker was there because she believed the girls needed support. However, technically, as there was no direct impact on my daughters (i.e. they were not in the house at the time) they were not seen, in a legal sense, as victims of crime, despite the fact that they lost most of their belongings and were rocked by the event.

Let me say from the outset I think these conferences are a great idea. They do allow perpetrators to hear of the damage that they have caused. The charges and outcomes were all read out and the questions with regard to motivation and reasons were put to the young man. I also applaud the fact that the system is trying to prevent these young people from committing further crimes. It was pointed out that a 6 months age difference (if technically he had been an adult) could have meant 5-10 years in gaol.

My daughters were amazing. I was so proud of them. They were gracious, forgave and reflected Christ in a wonderful way and were a witness to the gospel. The lawyer even said at one stage that he had never been at such a meeting with so strong a sense of forgiveness.

However, some aspects of  this process still sat uneasily with me.

One of the subtle aspects of this process was that the perpetrator becomes the “victim” in need of help. I agree that he needs help but he is also the person who created this situation. Yet the process seems to turn the tables somewhat. My daughters who were the victims, received no assistance, were largely left out of the information loop, were offered no counselling for the trauma suffered and, largely, became bystanders. All the attention was on the young man.

Maybe I am biased because I am the dad, but the “system” as well meaning as some its motives may be, is not a “just” system. There were all these people involved but the real victims were sidelined. That bothers me – not just for my daughters but for the many others in this situation. My daughters have a strong network of family, friends and church. Not everybody has that. What constitutes a “Victim of Crime” needs serious reconsideration.

For us as a family, however, at the end of the day, even if the legal system had been a disillusionment, we could celebrate the grace of God. We went to their new home, had a meal together and thanked God for His care over the last 14 months.

Categories: Ethics, Family | Tags: , , , | 1 Comment

The Son of an Imperfectionist

Spring

My dad was not a perfectionist and neither am I. I was reminded of this truth the other day when the lawnmower refused to work. In a desperate effort to keep it going, and to my wife’s amusement, I noticed that it would continue to splutter on for a while when I bounced it about. Then, even that technique failed. There isn’t a mechanical bone in my body and I have vowed not to spend any more money on this recalcitrant mower. In desperation I knelt down next to it and noticed that when I manually moved the carburetor (it is surprising I know what a carburetor is!) up  the engine purred freely but if I let go it would splutter and fail. “Ah” I thought, “if I can jam a piece of wood under the carby I might get it to work.”  I couldn’t find the right piece of wood. Then I spied an old scrubbing brush. I pushed this underneath with the old bristles adding a little tension and the mower worked beautifully. Problem solved!

But it made me think of my dad. It was his sort of solution. My wife has banned me from electrical wires ever since I burned out the wiring in the car but it was an area that my dad had a blind fearlessness about. It has always been a surprise to me that it wasn’t electricity that killed him. There must have been an ‘arc’ angel looking after him. He would find any solution at hand. I remember one of my wooden toys holding up a broken foot on the piano, for years.

But in my family the curse of imperfection has been replaced with the greater curse of perfectionism. There is an exactness in my wife and daughters that I admire and wonder at. To be honest, it is beyond my comprehension. Precision, exactness, completion, harmony and the like, are words not often found in my vocabulary, but they are multiplied in the rest of my family.  Precise chemistry and engineering, exact drawing and meticulous artwork are all a natural part of their striving, but well beyond my ken.

I don’t understand this but then, I would rather have my car fixed or the plane I am flying on, built, by someone with this attitude than by me or dad.

Categories: Family, Reflections | Tags: , | 8 Comments

I remember …

I remember
long unencumbered summers,
endless warm winded days at the beach,
surfing, swimming, sun-baking and surfing again,
furtively playing cards to the small hours,
walking home and the street lights turning off  at midnight.

I remember
scrambling along the river,
through mangroves and reeds,
finding signs of past boats fading in the mud,
sailing my own sabot – not too successfully!

I remember
treks into the bush,
sneaking out early with a friend,
parents unaware,
exploring in the early dawn
and yabbying with string and morsels of meat.

I remember ...

I remember …

I remember
cycling far afield
to other towns and places,
with lunch and possibilities
firmly tied on.

I remember
when worries were small
and life was big,
when dreams were limitless
and “no” un-thought of.

I remember
being young
but as they say,
‘that was another country’
and yet
… it still whispers to me.

Categories: Children, Family, Poem, poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

Memories That Shape

Two days ago I posted a poem my wife wrote about the death of her father 50 years ago when she was only seven. Her two sisters were nine and two years of age.

Last Sunday was the anniversary of her last “Fathers’ Day” with her dad and today is the anniversary of his death.

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My wife (right), her sisters and their Papa … and the puss.

Fifty years later the events of this day are still firmly embedded in her mind. The events, the emotions and the memories have remained clear all these years.

Dad’s are such a critical presence in a child’s life. Even an absent dad.

The girls grew up with a mythology of what having a dad would have been like. Our first argument after we were married was about who would take the rubbish bin out. In my wife’s mind this was the job her father would have done for his wife if he had been alive. I lost the argument – and most others since.

In many ways my wife’s memories of seven years are just as powerful as my memories of my father over 44 years. Her memories of family walks, dad coming home after work, meal times, stories and the like are etched so clearly and deeply – reinforced by years of remembered loss.

Not all the memories, we have discovered over time, were accurate. Because there was a tool box in the house didn’t mean that he was a brilliant handyman. That is what my wife thought and that is the image that she compared me with. She found out many years after we were married that this was far from the truth. This took some of the burden off me!

Warm memories are like treasures which we nurture and protect. We can take them out of the box every now and then to admire and to reminisce. They give perspective and depth to our lives and take us out of our present and anchor us in our past.

Categories: Children, Family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

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