Children

I remember …

I remember
long unencumbered summers,
endless warm winded days at the beach,
surfing, swimming, sun-baking and surfing again,
furtively playing cards to the small hours,
walking home and the street lights turning off  at midnight.

I remember
scrambling along the river,
through mangroves and reeds,
finding signs of past boats fading in the mud,
sailing my own sabot – not too successfully!

I remember
treks into the bush,
sneaking out early with a friend,
parents unaware,
exploring in the early dawn
and yabbying with string and morsels of meat.

I remember ...

I remember …

I remember
cycling far afield
to other towns and places,
with lunch and possibilities
firmly tied on.

I remember
when worries were small
and life was big,
when dreams were limitless
and “no” un-thought of.

I remember
being young
but as they say,
‘that was another country’
and yet
… it still whispers to me.

Categories: Children, Family, Poem, poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 5 Comments

Memories That Shape

Two days ago I posted a poem my wife wrote about the death of her father 50 years ago when she was only seven. Her two sisters were nine and two years of age.

Last Sunday was the anniversary of her last “Fathers’ Day” with her dad and today is the anniversary of his death.

Hetty's Family048

My wife (right), her sisters and their Papa … and the puss.

Fifty years later the events of this day are still firmly embedded in her mind. The events, the emotions and the memories have remained clear all these years.

Dad’s are such a critical presence in a child’s life. Even an absent dad.

The girls grew up with a mythology of what having a dad would have been like. Our first argument after we were married was about who would take the rubbish bin out. In my wife’s mind this was the job her father would have done for his wife if he had been alive. I lost the argument – and most others since.

In many ways my wife’s memories of seven years are just as powerful as my memories of my father over 44 years. Her memories of family walks, dad coming home after work, meal times, stories and the like are etched so clearly and deeply – reinforced by years of remembered loss.

Not all the memories, we have discovered over time, were accurate. Because there was a tool box in the house didn’t mean that he was a brilliant handyman. That is what my wife thought and that is the image that she compared me with. She found out many years after we were married that this was far from the truth. This took some of the burden off me!

Warm memories are like treasures which we nurture and protect. We can take them out of the box every now and then to admire and to reminisce. They give perspective and depth to our lives and take us out of our present and anchor us in our past.

Categories: Children, Family, Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

The Dark Side of the Church

Very recently I asked for readers to respond to a query I had about how people remember church when they were children (https://pieterstok.com/2013/07/13/your-experience-of-church-as-a-child/). I am still keen on hearing your responses.

One thing I didn’t expect (maybe I should have), was the number of private emails I have received from people recalling the abuse they received. This abuse sometimes arose because church authorities deliberately turned away from events in their families and congregation, or was perpetrated by them. This abuse ranged from spiritual and emotional neglect through to the more sordid examples we see in the news on a daily basis

20120411-214403.jpgIt reminded me that in my years as a pastor I came across too many examples of events that had never been dealt with properly. The “lets sweep it under the carpet” syndrome was all too prevalent. In an effort to protect the church’s reputation we have mired it more deeply in hidden and unconfessed sin and with no real thought for the victims.

Jesus weeps at the sins of His people but the tears must be even greater when these atrocities touch the innocent and vulnerable who are largely made up of women and children.

So far I have seen two main results of this hidden abuse revealed in the emails. Some people turn their back on the church and faith and want nothing to do with either. This is a tragedy of eternal proportions. The other result is those people who, usually through a Christlike mentor or partner, have, at some future occasion, dealt with the abuse and have come out the other side with a stronger faith and a greater awareness of God’s love for them. This is miraculous!

These emails have convinced me that the issue of children in the church is a crucial issue at so many different levels. What do we do to protect them? How do we make them feel that they belong? What is their role in the church and what can we learn from them? These are just some of the questions!

And from you dear readers, I would still love to hear what you have to say.

Categories: Children, christian, Christianity, Church, Ethics, Faith, Reflections, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Vulnerable

They are open
and innocent,
eager to please,
the vulnerable.

They have no muscles
or wiles
to parry attacks,
the vulnerable.

They listen
and imbibe our words
ideas and values,
the vulnerable.

They mirror
our thoughts,
play act our actions,
the vulnerable.

They grow up
and shape, mould
and, too often, warp
the next generation of
the vulnerable.

Categories: Children, christian, Christianity, Faith, Family, Poem, poetry, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Children and Church – Thank You, but More Please!

Statue in StockholmI must extend a big thank you to all of you who have responded to my request for childhood memories of church. (The original post here which includes an email address). One thing your responses have already done is widen my thinking and planning. I have received some emails regarding various kinds abuse upon which I have to reflect deeply. Some of you have commented on excitement and others sheer boredom. Overall, however, I get the strong impression that for many, if not most, children were incidental to church life. This collection has only just begun so I continue to encourage readers to comment and to ask friends to comment

Please keep your memories and reflections coming.

Categories: Bible, Child Theology, Children, christian, Church, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , | 2 Comments

Your Experience of Church as a Child

I need your feedback!20130425-165731.jpg

I am asking readers to recall their experience of church and worship as a child. What did you connect with, what alienated you, what activities enabled you to enjoy the community of church – in all I want to hear about the good, bad and ugly. Your memories and experiences, anecdotes and stories is what I am after.

Currently I am researching material for a book I hope to write on “children and church” and your experiences will help fill out the picture

Please email me at pstok@iinet.net.au or add your comments below.

Fellow bloggers may I please encourage you to reblog this request so that your blog readers have an opportunity to respond as well. The greater the cultural variety the better the picture I can gather.

Thank you in anticipation.

Pieter

Categories: Child Theology, Children, Church, community, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , , | 20 Comments

“Let the little children … “

But Jesus called the children to him and said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Luke 18:16

holding handsIt strikes me me time and again how worship, that is, the average worship service, is largely an adult activity. There maybe a children’s talk, which in my experience is usually too abstract or allegorical for younger children to grasp and there maybe a children’s song, but for 95% of the service, or more, children are ignored or excluded.

To solve this problem churches often hive the children off to a separate room at some point. This usually comes as relief to both child and parent.

My question: What are some of the success stories out there where children have been  genuinely incorporated into all age worship? That is, where has the family of God been truly visible in worship – and not just the older members?

If you have witnessed Biblical, successful strategies I would love to hear about them. Jesus’ injunction above is far too important to ignore.

Categories: Child Theology, Children, christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, Family | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

Children as Spiritual Champions – Part 1

The first book I am re-reading as I immerse myself in the topic of “children and church” is George Barna’s very personal confession and realisation, “Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions” (Regal 2003). In this book he acknowledges his own blindness, and suggests that this is modelled by the church at large – especially its leadership, with regard to the importance of children in the church.

In true Barna-esque style he weighs and measures the problem. He looks at the trends and suggests they are alarming (41). He measures the knowledge and values that children have and comes to the conclusion that American children are not being nurtured in the faith. He says this is even more alarming when you understand that most people come to their Christian faith in their childhood.

In a very moving chapter entitled “Why kids matter” he points out that, first of all, they matter to God. They are his gifts to us. Even more importantly, because they matter, He has given clear instruction to parents and the community at large as to the importance of nurture. I would add that we see this most intimately in Jesus’ relationship with children.

Barna also states that children are the battlefront of the spiritual warfare. The battle for the hearts and minds of children is where spiritual warfare is the hottest! He suggests that the more we invest in training, teaching, modelling, encouraging and etc. at this time the less we will have to pick up the pieces in the future.

Part 2 – soon. I hope!

Categories: Children, christian, christian education, Christianity, Church, community, Ethics, Faith, Family, Reflections | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

To All My Readers

Dear Friends, for a while I have had it on my heart to write a book, loosely around the adventures and misadventures my wife and I have had with churches. However, I couldn’t get a clear picture and structure for this. I considered using the Camino as a metaphor. Then, this morning, as we were going for a walk and discussing the state of our world, the penny (insert currency here) dropped. Our real issue, if sharpened to one point, is the place of children in the church. Today we have extremes where children are missing because the congregation is aged, or missing because the children have been hived off into children’s ministry in another place or room. For many other churches there is not a clear picture of where the children fit into the people, and worship of God.

So in the months/ year or so to come my blog will be even less regular as I try to put flesh to the ideas we have. I have a working title: Alarm Bells: Where have all the children gone? I hope to have time to still post some of my eclectic ramblings, poetry, travel anecdotes, devotions and other guff. So please be patient with me.

Categories: Children, christian, Christianity, Church, Faith, Family, Reflections | Tags: , , | 6 Comments

Deo Volente

The pulpit in the old church at Gamla Uppsala

The pulpit in the old church at Gamla Uppsala

“Deo Volente” is not a phrase used much nowadays, yet it speaks of a wonderful attitude.

Deo Volente, often shortened to D.V. simply means “God willing”. Like many Latin phrases its real meaning has been lost in the mists of time. “N.B”, “A.D.” and “C.V.” are just some other examples. In the past letters and messages were often annotated with “D.V.” It acknowledged that any human plans were subject to God’s will.

Deo Volente, at its heart, speaks of an attitude before God. It recognises that our plans are always subject to His will and purposes. God is sovereign and I am not. It is a phrase of humility and acceptance. Not resignation, but the acknowledgement that ultimately God’s purposes and plans far outweigh my wishes and petty ambitions.

It is also a phrase of comfort. Whatever happens in my life is not governed by fate or chance but is overruled by a God who sent His son to reveal His love for His children and who cares for them into eternity. It is a comfort because He has told me, that love is what He wills.

Categories: Children, christian, Christianity, Devotional, Reflections | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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